In honor of Christian, I acquiesced to her request of writing about a significant squirrel. I say reluctantly because well, it's nearing midnight and I should be in bed, but after reading her email (Write a story about a squirrel and your birthday) I was inspired. There isn't much birthday to this story other than the fact I wrote it on my birthday. I hope this suffices, Friend.
A squirrel that did not think itself very much significant unknowingly decided that it would be known. The squirrel was named Ernest after his second cousin, twice removed. Though he never quite felt like an Ernest he kept this name until one day, this very day, when he decided to change his name.
You see, he did not believe his name accurately reflected his character. Although most people believed this squirrel to be a serious sort of fellow, an ernest of sorts, he saw himself as a wild beast, ready to take on the world. So, he decided one inconsequential day that he would change his name to Bruce. If he knew that the singular change of a name would alter his destiny, well then, he would have done it much sooner!
While walking down the path that led to the Social Security Office he came upon a young woman listening and trotting to a song aptly named "Winter Winds." It was aptly named because it was a windy, chilly morning and it was nearing the winter season. She seemed to be in a determined mood which mirrored his own desire to get to his destination.
He wondered what Bruce would do in this situation. He knew Ernest would take the long way and walk the entire distance. But Bruce was cunning and he would use all of his resources to his advantage. So, he decided to hop onto her overbearing purse and enjoy the free, brisk ride.
It was a simple task to jump on her bag without being noticed. He was insignificant, after all.
After three more songs and a couple adjustments to her bag, the unsuspecting transit turned a quick left onto a crosswalk. Distracted by an unfamiliar song, she did not see the oncoming bus ignoring the Stop sign. Before she could respond to her looming mortality, Bruce began to madly scratch at her neck hoping to get any type of reaction. She quickly ran into the traffic hoping to escape her attacker. Thankfully, the bus driver -- who had been preoccupied with watching a young kid pick his nose -- caught sight of a crazy woman running across the street with flailed hands and quickly stepped on his brakes.
"Another crazy," he thought as he drove passed the young woman throwing her bag onto the floor.
Realizing that he did not quite think this through, the squirrel haphazardly jumped off the frightened and confused woman's back and darted toward the Social Security Office. His job was done. He saved a life and he would most certainly change his name. He was now Bruce, Defender of Women.
